Secrets, Lies and the Laws of Attraction
by BreaBell
Summary: I never thought I’d have a shot with Remus Lupin. Somehow he managed to get past my blushing and my babbling, but now I’ve got a bigger problem. There’s something he’s not telling me. Something big. How much am I willing to risk to find out what?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Obviously.**

--

This was _not _the way I wanted to meet Remus Lupin. It was early. Forget that, it was an ungodly hour. My dark hair was mussed, probably resembling some sad bird's nest, and my breath stank like breath tends to do in the morning. _I _had an excuse for being up this early. I had to pee. I was practically dancing. What the hell was he doing here?

Okay, so maybe I was overreacting, but if he wasn't so darn cute I wouldn't care so much.

I briefly considered ducking back into my room before he noticed me, but frankly, my bladder was telling me that was not an option. So I opted to expose myself, morning breath and all.

"Morning," I murmured, trying not to think about my faded, holey pj's.

Remus must have jumped a foot in the air. Come to think of it, the boy didn't look too good. He was jittery, pale, and had big black bags under his eyes. Was he sick maybe? Well if he was, nighttime walks certainly weren't doing him any good.

"W-what are you doing here?" He blurted.

"Uh," I cringed, "just heading to the bathroom."

"Oh. Right."

And with that awkward exchange, we parted ways. I glanced at the clock before heading back to bed. It was 6:30am, not, I supposed, an entirely ungodly hour, but a good three hours before I wanted to be bothered. Or confronted with random, handsome Gryffindors in the common room.

-

He was there at breakfast too, looking sick. I decided not to notice. It was, after all, none of my business. He was a sixth year, I was a fifth year, we hardly knew each other. I would just, you know, sometimes glance at him in the library and try not to fall into those deep, brooding eyes.

I gasped, and successfully restrained my hand, which had sprung up as if to slap me across the face. I wouldn't blame it. I heartily needed a slap right now.

"Jen!" Kim, my best friend giggled and flopped down next to me. "I had the best time with Alan last night!" I smiled half-heartedly. The girl had gone boy-crazy.

Kim started to go on, and _on_, about her date last night, twisting her strawberry blond hair, her blue eyes glassing over as the last twelve hours of her life was laid out before me. I knew it'd be safe to zone out, at least for a bit, while she gave me every infinitesimal detail of her personal life. The girl just didn't stop. We would start with the date outfit, move on to what he said about it, where they went (there weren't exactly many options), what they did there, how he had held her hand, and then, the worst subject, the—

"Janet!" I flinched at the sound of my full name. She had caught me, and I hated my full name. The jig was up. I sighed, and was about to apologize for not listening, when she continued, "Janet, the snogging! It was like—the best ever!"

"Mmhm." I replied lazily. She said that about every boy she went out with. I think she felt like she had to now. Alice, another friend, slipped silently down next to me and reached for the waffles. Alice was beautiful; she had rich chocolate colored skin, along with a perfect bone structure, and black hair and eyes that all blended together in the perfect mix of arranged and offbeat. Just sitting next to her made me feel boring. My dark hair, brown eyes (though when the light hit them in just the right way I could fancy them hazel), light skin, and thin frame made me long for her exotic looks.

"Hey," I said, "how's life?"

What I meant was '_save me! Save me!_'

She scowled.

"Why don't you ask Jeremy? Oh wait, you can't. He's too busy gawking at Lily Evans."

Silently, I groaned. Did everyone have a love life but me? Alice was going out with Jeremy, though possibly not for much longer. Kim was going out with everyone. I hadn't even had a boyfriend yet.

Well, unless you counted Warren, who I had snogged last Christmas after three days of embarrassingly awkward attempts at flirting. I didn't even count Warren. And if that was snogging, I could safely say I never wanted to do it again. It was horrible, to be frank, and disgusting. It was like he was trying to eat my face. Or possibly suffocate me with his tongue.

"Well, I have to head down to care of magical creatures, so… I'll see you guys around."

I couldn't help but feel like I was losing my friends. Jeremy to Alice, or, as she claimed, Lily, Alice to Jeremy, and Kim to boys. Did no one just want to be friends anymore? Or kids? Apparently I was the only one.

I shuffled off, slightly glum, and lamented how few fifth years had opted to take Care of Magical Creatures. They had had to combine all four classes. That meant Slytherins. Last year it was just Hufflepuffs with the Gryffindors. How I missed those days.

It wasn't until I had gone several feet that I became aware of footsteps behind me. They sped up, jogging through the wet grass. I walked faster, not looking back. I was willing, more than willing, to bet it was Jeremy running up to give me his side of the story. Sandy hair in his eyes, out of breath, robes just big enough to hinder his progress. He would be coming to tell me, of course, how, even though Lily Evans was gorgeous, Alice was the only girl for him. And could I please just pass that along to her? And did I blame him? Lily was hot. It wasn't like he would be mad if he caught Alice starring at Sirius Black. Oh crap. She didn't, did she? Stare at Sirius? Because he was bad news.

"Hey," Called an out of breath voice, "It's not like there's a dementor on your tail. Slow down."

I froze. It was Remus's voice. Remus, not Jeremy, who strolled over to talk to me. I turned around and saw his friends, James, Sirius, and Peter, watching from a distance. Was this a prank? Remus seemed nice enough, but my make-believe Jeremy was right: Sirius was bad news. And James? Ditto. Peter, embarrassingly for him perhaps, was a not. The poor boy was slightly creepy, but that was all he had.

He laughed, sounding nervous,

"Jen, right?" He asked softly. I nodded. And then there was silence.

I smiled, not a pleasant smile, but a how-to-I-escape sort of smile. I waited for him to speak. He didn't.

"Awful weather we're having." I defaulted, then rolled my eyes. Lame.

"Yeah."

Remus had amazing eyes. They were blue and grey, streaks of color shooting like arrows from their borders to his pupils. His very un-dilated pupils. I had read somewhere that a dilated pupil was a good sign, it meant the person was engaged and content. What was he here to talk to me about? It didn't seem like something very pleasant.

I wondered how much time had passed while I was analyzing his eyes…hopefully not too long.

"So," I said eventually, not liking how fluttery my voice sounded, but unable to control it, "I actually have class…"

"Right," he replied, snapping to attention, "Well, I can walk you there."

"Um, okay." Like I was going to refuse. "I'm headed out to Care of Magical Creatures."

We started walking. I kept feeling like there was something he wanted to ask me, or tell me, but he never spoke up.

"There are rumors going around we might get to meet a vampire one day. In class. The one I'm going to." I was trying to force conversation and I knew it. The silence was killing me, but my awkward conversational skills didn't exactly make interacting more bearable. Remus balked.

"Isn't a vampire more of a person than a creature?"

"Yeah, but I mean, I still think it'd be interesting. I want to meet a werewolf to."

There was silence. What was going on here? Was that the prank, just a lame experiment to see how long some younger girl would attempt to keep up a conversation with a hot older boy who was clearly not interested? Huh. I kept talking. Mindless chatter was, unfortunately, my default.

"Because, um, I think…or…I kind of want to work with them someday."

"Werewolves or vampires?" He asked incredulously.

"I don't know. Both? Neither? I just think that we're at, like, a pivotal point in history. There are so many things that could change. It's like human rights. Civil rights. Why should we judge people based on something they can't control?"

He just kept staring. I smiled, shyly now.

"I'm babbling I know."

"No I…I like what you have to say. But I think it's unrealistic. I don't think people are that tolerant of something they view as dangerous."

"Well," I said, reaching the edge of the forbidden forest where the rest of my class was gathered, "I hope you underestimate people."

"I do too."

And then he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

I was furious. We had most definitely _not_ met a vampire in Care of Magical Creatures. Instead we had focused on Care of Magical Silk Worms. I had enough silk to make a dress, and enough dignity to be disgusted at my totally lack of anything interesting in my life.

My day only got worse from there.

Kim was spending her every waking minute with Alan. Alice and Jeremy were having a "deep" make-up talk about society's emphasis on looks. I was more alone than ever. I scarfed some lunch and lunch and headed to the library. It wasn't like there was no one else I could talk to. Just, well… I don't know. After five years at Hogwarts we had all sort of fallen into our own little groups. And, although I talked to some other students in class and was friends with them, it was more like casual friends. It just wasn't the same.

I hid away in my favorite little section in the library. It consisted of three shelves and most students didn't even know it existed. Those that did tended to avoid it like the plague. Muggle books. Muggle fiction was my favorite. After all, there was really nothing like escapism, and it was a scare commodity in the wizarding world where all the imaginary creatures were real. It was like there was no fantasy, or maybe it was all fantasy. Anyways. I'll just say I was connecting with my heritage, my mum was a muggle after all.

I pulled out a little number I'd began a few days ago. I didn't know why the library had this book, nor did I care. I was ready to get lost in something. I sat down on a table where someone had left a stack of books, bad for the librarian, but good for me. I could hide mine behind them.

I was just starting to get to a good part. It was one of those guilty pleasure books, I admit. It was all about gossip and boys and drama in 19th century America, and I ate it up. I was hanging on the every word of the young, handsome socialite, when I heard a noise. Someone was clearing their throat.

I looked up. Sirius Black was standing right in front of me.

"Errrr…" I said, snapping my book shut and turning it over. "Hi."

Couldn't I get one minute's peace? Why was this so impossible? And speaking of impossible, why was Sirius Black in the library?

He grinned, ever sultry that boy. A real player. He pushed his perfectly messed up black hair back from his face.

"Hey…" He started. It was obvious didn't know my name. Whatever, not like he would.

"Jen." I supplied.

"Hey Jen."

"Hi." I noticed he didn't feel the need to introduce himself. He assumed, and rightly so, that I already knew who he was. "Studying are we?" He picked over the books on the table and I hid my actual book on my lap. "Magic and Myths, Dark Creatures, the Moon and its Magical Powers?"

I shrugged, not actually knowing what I would be using those books for.

He looked deep into my eyes, and I felt supremely uncomfortable. It was like he was trying to force a confession out of me. What exactly was I supposed to be confessing to? I was pretty sure he hadn't seen my muggle book under the table.

"Well," He said finally with a disarming smile, "have a good one."

And then he left. What the heck was going on?

Almost colliding with Sirius as he walked through the door was a lanky, greasy haired Slytherin. Severus, I thought his name was. He walked straight up to my table also.

"Hey." He growled, "Those books are mine." And with that he swept them rudely off the table and walked away. Huh. Boys. They've all got issues.

-

Two days later I had no answers. But at least I had…er…

Sitting with Kim, Jeremy and Alice, the old group, back together again, it shouldn't have been so hard to come up with something. Kim was sitting next to me, glancing over at Alan. Who had said he needed "space," and Alice and Jeremy were sitting across, their legs intertwined underneath the table.

We were having a pretty normal gripe session. There was too much homework, we had nothing to do, Jeremy's owl was starting to take liberties on its delivery trips.

"I mean," he continued, laughing now, "I put a tracking spell on her when I sent her out the next time, and she took a little trip to France after delivering my letter home. With a package of cookies and another owl strapped to her! No wonder those cookies tasted awful. Well, worse than usual anyway."

I laughed with everyone else. We had all been to Jeremy's. His dad was on a cooking without magic kick, and things were not turning out well. I smiled, long after the joke was over.

These little moments were nice. More than nice. I felt happy, like we had traveled back in time. Before all the drama.

At least I had my friends back, I thought, smiling.

"Check this out." Said Alice, pulling something out of her pocket. It was a little toy mouse.

"Er," said Jeremy, "Neat."

"Shut up," she laughed, "now look what I can do with it."

She whispered a few words and waved her wand over the toy. The mouse's tail extended, creeping down the table. Its ears perked up. Little tidbits of conversation started coming through the ears. We were totally eavesdropping.

"Alice!" I chided, eyes widening.

"I know; it's bad. But come on, it's interesting."

The tail kept creeping down the table.

"You want to hear what Alan's talking about?" She asked Kim coyly.

Kim made a noncommittal sound, but her eyes were sparkling. The tail kept creeping, finally stopping between Alan and his friends, and…James Potter's group.

"Do you think she knows?" James whispered.

"I told you what she was reading. Why else why she be looking into all that?"

"Maybe we should just drop it guys." Remus's voice.

"No way. If she knows…well, it's not something you want getting out mate."

"We just have to figure out—"

Alice retracted the tail a little.

"Sorry," she grinned, "wrong conversation."

Suddenly, Alan's voice came through the mouse's ears, loud and clear.

"Yeah, the snogging was great."

Kim glowed and I tried not to remember the (unsolicited) kissing advice she had once given me. His tongue is like a lollypop. You want the lollypop.

"But," he continued, "she's been…around. You know?"

"Oh boy do I know." Joked one of his stupid friends.

"I just…I dunno."

"I do. Why would you want to play with an old, used toy when there are so many new ones that haven't been touched? Nice, pretty, clean toys. Why don't you play with some of those?"

What an ass. I looked up in horror to see who it was. Some nobody, I wished I could say, but it was Jake, who I had crushed on from second to third year. He had never paid me any attention of course. Now, I was glad.

Next I looked over at Kim, she was not taking it well. Her eyes were glassy.

"I thought…" she managed, before her voice failed her and she began blinking furiously. "I have to go." She stood up shakily and walked, quickly, towards the dormitory.

I stood up furious, and with a wave of Alice's wand the mouse lit up with a crack. The fire followed the tail all the way down to Alan. He looked up guiltily and, seeing us, immediately scanned the crowd for Kim. She was long gone. I, on the other hand, had some business to finish.

Picking up my glass of water I strutted up to Alan and, perhaps more importantly, Jake.

"Boys." I said with an icy grin, and then I threw my water in Jake's face. "Don't talk about my best friend that way. Don't talk about her ever."

I picked up another cup of something off the table and threw it on Alan.

"You don't deserve her. At least Kim is honest about herself." And with that I was off. I would regret the scene later, I knew, but hey, I was a Gryffindor. If I was going to regret something, I'd take too bold over too meek any day.

And with that, and a sea of staring faces, I headed off to the common room.

-

_A/n: Hello, hello. If you got to this I hope you are liking my story =). I'd love to hear from you. I'm trying to improve so I'd really appreciate constructive criticism, or just comments in general. Thanks!_


	3. Chapter 3

Alice and I found Kim on her bed, hiding in her covers. The stairs had turned into a slide when Jeremy had tried to follow. We knew it would, but he had tried anyway.

"Kim?" Alice asked gently. There was not reply. "The mouse thing was just a stupid trick. I shouldn't have even done it."

"Don't let some idiot boy ruin your day." I added. "He's clearly not worth it."

Kim emerged, eyes wet and puffy, from underneath her bedspread.

"Do you guys think I'm a slut?

"No!" We screamed in unison.

"Of course not sweetie." Alice murmured, stroking her hair.

"You're just…very open." I added.

Kim frowned pensively. I knew that her home life wasn't great. She probably just liked the affection. She would talk about how good it felt to make boys happy. I had thought she was just codependent. Maybe not.

"Listen," Alice said, eyeing me in a way that made it clear my last statement wasn't helping. "That Jake is a tool. Always has been, always will be. He belongs in Slytherin. Don't waste a minute thinking about anything he has to say. And if Alan is having doubts, well, whatever happens happens. If it's meant to be, it'll be."

"Yeah," I said, lamely. Thank Merlin that Alice was there.

"Thanks guys." Kim mumbled.

"Tell you what," I said, trying to make up for my earlier lameness, "We've got a Hogsmead day tomorrow right? I think some serious shopping is in order."

-

I was pouting, okay, whining. But I spend half of every summer with my mom in muggle land and, what can I say? I got used to the variety. Movies, concerts, malls. There are only so many butter beers a girl can drink, for goodness sake. I wondered if Kim and Alice knew what they were missing.

Jeremy, surprise surprise, had opted out of the all day shopping trip in favor of a day with the boys. I didn't blame him really. I wouldn't exactly be into a Quidditch tournament myself.

"Urg, don't they restock every once in a while?" I groaned, picking over the same tired skirts I had seen on our last outing.

"Maybe if you would buy some robes instead of wasting all you money in a muggle costume shop." Alice joked.

"Ew. I hate robes." It was true, I had gone to muggle school until I had gotten my letter from Hogwarts. I missed it sometimes. Mostly not, but I definitely missed the clothes.

"What's the point? We wear uniforms anyway," Kim pointed out, still morose. This trip was failing to cheer her up.

"Yeah…it's just that there's nothing to do. We've been everywhere at least fifty times."

"Well…" Kim started, doubtfully, "Not everywhere."

Alice and I starred, curious.

"We've never been in the shrieking shack."

-

"We're not doing this." Alice protested again. "This is stupid. Childish. I don't want to."

I, on the other hand, was getting a bit of a rush. This was the wizarding world, anything really could be in there. My stomach was doing loops. I felt alive.

Kim merely trudged on. Stupid Alan. Stupid Jake. Idiot boys. Jerks. Assholes. The righteous indignation was pumping me up. We all stopped, at the boundary now. About to take the plunge.

"I'm not going." Said Alice firmly. "None of us should go."

"I want to." Kim countered, "I want to do something that scares me, without a boy to hold my hand."

I beamed, giving Alice a look. I knew she couldn't refuse after Kim said something like that. _Way to assert your independence girl. _I congratulated her silently. _Throw the weight of oppression from your shoulders._

So I was admittedly going a little overboard. I was just so giddy. I didn't know why.

Together we murmured a spell, allowing us to step through the gate. We breathed in the crisp, fall air and ran, all the way to the front door.

I reached it first and pulled. It was, a bit alarmingly, unlocked. It swung right open with all of the horror-movie creaking door sound effects. When we saw what was in there, we all took a step back.

The place was destroyed. Trashed. All the furniture was ripped to shreds, and it looked like it had been inhabited, well, recently. I swallowed.

"So, um, souvenir shopping?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood. I picked up the remnants of what I thought was once a chair arm. "It'll look awesome in our bedroom."

Alice slapped my hand.

"Put it down, stupid. It's probably cursed."

Kim looked possessed.

"I want to go all the way." She said, "All the way through."

"Uh, Kim?" I was a little creeped out, "You okay?"

"I'm fine. Let's go."

We walked up the stairs and around the house. Everything was destroyed. Everything a mess. Each time one of us stepped on the floor the wrong way it creaked, and we jumped like bad horror heroines. We were just heading out when Alice caught sight of a side room, the only one we hadn't entered. We went in, just to be finished, Kim said, totally finished, but we never expected what we found there.

"It's a tunnel." Alice said, kicking it open and going green, "Oh Merlin help us."

"This is awful." Kim added. "I hate being independent. I miss having a boyfriend!"

My heart was beating too fast to hear them.

"Where do you think it goes?"

-

Meanwhile, not too far away, four boys, unknown to us, monitored our progress on a magical little map.

_-_

_A/N: Yay! First review! Thanks!_


	4. Chapter 4

"We should turn around." Alice said, again. We had been going for a while, and I was starting to have doubts myself. After all, who knew what might be waiting for us at the end of the tunnel? I'm not sure I wanted to know.

"Yeah," Kim agreed finally, "I mean, we should be getting back to Hogwarts anyway."

"Uh-huh. We don't want to be late."

Having reached a consensus we stopped, ready to turn around, just about to, really, when we heard footsteps. Then running and panting. Crap. We froze. What's in here?

My wand is out and I'm ready—as I'm ever going to be—when the last person I expect to be comes running at us. Sirius Black.

"Ladies!" He says, stopping, bending over, and gasping for air. "Ladies, what can I do for you?"

Kim grinned. I cut her off before she would say something I'd regret hearing.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Me?" He retorted, having recovered himself. "What about you?"

We remained at an awkward impasse for a while before Kim finally spoke up.

"We were just checking out the Shrieking Shack when we found this tunnel. It's kind of awesome. We should have a mud fight down here."

Sirius smiled, but looked at me doubtfully.

"Really, you were just checking out the shrieking shack and found it?"

"Yes." Kim batted her eyelashes. "It was crazy scary. Is that how you found it? Do you know where it goes?"

"Well," Sirius leaned in conspiratorially. "Can you girls keep a secret?"

-

It was about a half an hour later in the Three Broomsticks and I was not buying it. Something was up. I was convinced now that those boys were hiding…something. And not the something Sirius had so charmingly explained.

_Apparently_ the tunnel led to Hogwarts, and Sirius and James were planning on sneaking in a bunch of butterbeer and throwing a Halloween party in the room of requirement. We had score an invitation a piece if we kept the secret, and, at Kim's pleading, a plus one each. He would give us all the details later, he promised.

Boys, planning a secret party? Please. And he had said it so smoothly, too smoothly. Like he was making it up on the spot. I wanted to know where that tunnel really led. They were hiding something I was sure. And it did exactly make me less suspicious when Sirius caught my arm afterwards and whispered,

"Listen, I know what you're thinking."

"Really?" That was a surprise, seeing as I wasn't entirely sure myself.

"Just, trust me and stop digging around."

"I'm not—"

"I'll let you tell people we're dating." He blurted suddenly.

"Excuse me?"

"Stop digging around and," He smiled charmingly, "I'll take you out. Next Hogsmead trip."

I'm ashamed to say I was tempted, more than tempted, to let this boy take me out in exchange for not spilling whatever her thought I knew. Something which was, in reality, nothing. Sirius Black was hot, and a total player. All my friends would be jealous. All the girls in school would be jealous. Hadn't I just been thinking about how lacking my romantic life was? About boys who didn't know how to kiss? Maybe it was fate.

But then I looked into his eyes, his cocky, perfectly placed eyes, and I could only think one thing. They were muddy. Unremarkable. I…would be lying to myself if I told myself this was everything I wanted. If there wasn't another set of beautiful blue grey eyes that I would prefer getting lost in.

"Thanks," I said finally, "but I really don't know what you're talking about. I promise."

And with that I ran off to join my quickly retreating friends. I wondered if it really would be worth it to try and find out what they were up to. I was curious but…I don't know. I was interested. Yes. But maybe I really didn't want to know. I also wondered how in the world I had turned down Sirius Black.

I'm sure it had something to do with the fact that it sounded like the cousin of a pity date. It had nothing, I tried to convince myself, absolutely nothing to do with Remus Lupin. That was a lie. But maybe if I repeated it enough times it would become true.


	5. Chapter 5

In my dream there was a golden tree, artificial autumn. It glistened like sunlight was streaming though the leaves, but that wasn't the sun, shinning in the blood red sky, it was the moon. A full silver moon starring down at me as I walked along the forest floor.

"Jen." Someone was calling. I whipped around, but no one was there.

It was there, waiting, whispering, hanging on the tip of my tongue. I knew it. I knew I knew it. It knew I knew it. And yet…I didn't know it. It was… He was…

"YOU'RE INVITED!"

"Ahhh!" I sat bolt upright, waking up to a very, _very_ overly pleasant (to the point that it was downright unpleasant) speaking party hat. Minor correction: screaming party hat.

"TO THE MIDNIGHT MASQUERADE! OCTOBER 31ST! 9PM TO 1AM! WEAR A COSTUME! MORE INFO TO COME!"

And with that, that hat zoomed off, undoubtedly to annoy someone else.

"What the—" I began. I looked around the room, Kim and Alice were already up, dressed, and having a conversation on Alice's bed. I changed gears. "Morning."

Alice laughed. "Morning. We were just about to wake you; there's been a change of plans."

"Plans?"

"Sirius's party," Kim cut in, "is now the 'Midnight Masquerade.' School sanctioned. Everyone's invited. To be chaired by Lily Evans."

"Huh. How did that happen?"

"Apparently," Kim dished, "James asked Lily, and she just hated the idea of this excusive, against-the-rules, party. So she said she'd take it over."

"And come on," Alice added, "It's not like those boys would make great planners anyway. It probably wouldn't have even happened. Now we get to dress up and everything."

"Ah well." School sanctioned, I thought, does not sound like fun. But masquerade…I grinned, "Now we can spend some more time in that muggle costume shop!"

Alice and Kim groaned.

"No way," Kim put in, before I could get any ideas. "Not too much information is out yet, but you're supposed to dress kind of nice."

"Costume party?"

"In name only. Masks are as far as that goes."

"Bo-oring."

"Yeah well, the Prefects are organizing it."

"Well then," I took a big breath, "We are going to need some kick-ass dresses and some killer masks."

When we got downstairs we met a glowing Lily Evans.

"Hi girls! Did you hear about the Midnight Masquerade?"

"Yeah." We said, smiling. Her energy was impossibly catching.

"It's going to be so much fun!" And, surprisingly, I believed her.

That is, until we got down to breakfast and Alice and Kim started talking about dates.

-

Alice and Jeremy were going together of course. It had been two weeks since their little tiff, and they were in for the long haul, already having lasted a record two months. The record was for both of them, previous relationships lasting only weeks.

Kim was listing her new crushes: all three in order from most to least appealing and debating their merits and flaws as potential dates with Alice. She had moved on the 'screw you' phase of her Alan relationship and was no longer speaking with him. Ha ha. He could beg for her now and get na-da.

"How about you Jen? Who are you going to ask?"

"Me?" I was so flustered I couldn't even pin-point who had asked me. "Um, I'm not really planning on asking anyone. There just isn't anyone I'm interested in." Blatant lie.

My two best friends smiled at me knowingly.

"Su-ure." Said Kim.

"What?" I rebutted, hoping it wasn't that obvious.

"Don't tell me you haven't been eyeing a certain bad boy in sixth year?" Oh Merlin it was that obvious.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Really?"

"Really."

"So you haven't been fantasizing about Sirius Black at all?"

"No!" My jaw dropped, and I started to giggle, relieved, "No way!"

"We noticed you were glancing over at his group every now and then. Then looking away and blushing, then looking back. Come on Jen, he is hot." The last comment, I feel bound to point out, came from Kim. You're welcome Jeremy.

"It's not…" I sighed, debating internally. Too tell them or not to? Once you told Kim anything it pretty much became public knowledge. I hadn't even spoken to Remus very much. Okay, try, like, at all. But when I saw him… Okay, so it was down to this: let this thing out that I've been nonstop obsessing over and risk public humiliation or let it continue to consume my innards. I decided. "It's not…Sirius."

"James?" Alice asked. I shook my head no, everyone knew he was taken, even if unofficially.

"Oh Merlin, it's Peter!" Kim shrieked with laughter, and more than a few heads turned our way.

"No, you bloody idiot," but I was laughing too, "He's all yours. It's," I sobered, "it's Remus."

"Really? Remus?" Asked Alice.

"Really. Why?"

"I don't know, it's just he seems so…"

"Morose?" Kim filled in. "You always sort of went for the cocky type. No offense. But the dance is in just over two weeks. Better buck up your courage and ask him today. He'll be gone before long."

"I can't possibly!" I moaned, this being one of the areas where I lacked the famous Gryfindor courage, "It would be too humiliating."

-

"Sweetheart," Alice caught my arm as we left the breakfast table. "You're going to ask Lupin to the dance. Today."

"Nu-uh, no way."

Alice looked over her shoulder and I followed her eyes, she was focused on Kim, laughing with a potential date and his friends.

"Oh yes you are, because he'll know how you feel by tonight anyway. You know I love Kim to death, we both do, but she couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it. If you don't ask him, well, he'll find out anyway."

That was, unfortunately, solid logic. I bit my lip. It was time to take the plunge.

-

Risk management. It's part of life, a part which middle aged men often feel the need to lecture both you and each other about. My father did it, his father did it, and I'm sure his father's father did it. It's all about possible losses vs. possible gains. Unfortunately, as I sat in the library waiting for Remus Lupin (alarmingly I knew that it was somewhere he often frequented Tuesday and Thursday afternoon, I think in a break between classes…It was official: this was pathetic. Not verging on pathetic, just pathetic), all I could think was it was all true.

Possible losses of asking Remus out: total humiliation, failure starring me in the face, knowing I wasn't good enough. Possible gains: date to dance, total bliss, boy of my dreams. Now it just had to do the odds, figuring out which outcome was more likely and let that bias my decision. Sadly, I had no idea how to calculate these odds. I was just starting to figure it out / make up some random point system in my head, when he walked up to my table. I hadn't even notice he came in.

"Let's take a walk Jen."

The minutes passed in awkward silence as Remus walked me out to the lake. Finally, we sat down in the shade of a giant oak tree and watched the giant squid flick its tentacles lazily over the water. I felt as I so often did these days—confused.

"So, giant squids, huh?" I asked finally and he smiled at me. My heart fluttered.

"Yeah."

"So Jen—" He started at the same time as I began to blurt out my poorly rehearsed ask-out,

"Do you—" Luckily I didn't get very far.

"Er." He mumbled.

"You first." I insisted.

"I'm sure there's something you want to ask me." My eyes budged. He knew, he totally knew, and he was going to make me say it anyway? Without even hinting at what the response might be? "James and Sirius, they don't think it would be such a good idea, you knowing and all, but I suppose you've already got me all figured out."

"Um," His friends didn't approve? Was that what he was telling me? Great confidence booster. Besides, what had I done to them? "Um," I repeated stupidly, "I was just wondering if you had a…" I had to force myself to say it, "a date for the Midnight Masquerade yet?"

Now it was his turn to have budging eyes.

"What?"

"Nothing, I—forget it. It's stupid. We hardly know each other right? Just the occasion hi in the hallways. Maybe a conversation in passing. I'm sure you're not interested. Sorry I asked. We can totally forget this ever happened. As a matter of fact, let's do that. The forgetting this ever happened thing."

"I," he seemed at a loss for words, "you really don't know?"

Know what? I wanted to ask.

"You can't," he was talking more to himself than me now, "you wouldn't ask if you did."

"You have a girlfriend?" I guessed, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't know. How embarrassing." It was too.

"No I—"

"You're not interested."

"Well, it's just—"

"That's okay," I rushed on, "we can still be friends right? It's won't be too uncomfortable?" Why didn't the ground ever swallow me up when I wanted it too? Why? Why? Why was I so socially inept? Well, to be fair it was only ever this bad around Remus. So maybe it was good that nothing was going to come of this. Less time for me to look like a blundering idiot right?

"I'd like to go. I just can't." He said finally, "I'd like to really. It's just…"

"Right," I said after a sufficient pause, "Okay. I'll just be going before the humiliation thing gets any worse and my babbling continues on and on and—oh, I'm doing it now. Bye then. See you around."

And I stood up, slightly dizzy with disappointment and humiliation, and with every intention of heading back to me room to mope. I had only gone a few steps when I ran headlong into the chest of another boy.

"Janet Wilson," said a deep masculine voice, "will you go to the Midnight Masquerade with me?"

"Yes," I said, before even looking up, silently thanking my savor, not caring who it was. All I could think of was 'look Remus, someone wants to go with me!' Pitiful? Yes.

Then I looked into the young man's face and nearly fainted.

"Jake!?"

-

_A/N: This chapter goes out to Lift the Wings—who is 2 out of my four reviews and is awesome. Haha, but I love you all!_


	6. Chapter 6

I thought I was going to throw up. Really, I wish I hadn't eaten breakfast. It was sheer luck that I had managed to make it all the way to the common room, up the stairs, to my bed, period. Let alone without puking.

Oh I felt sick, I felt really, really sick. When Kim and Alice got back from Transfiguration, they looked at me with abject horror.

"Jen!" Shrieked Alice, "What's wrong with you?" I was flopped over the side of my bed, head and arms hanging over once side, legs hitting the floor on the other. My stomach was in my throat.

"Urmph." Was all I managed.

"I told you she must have been sick—she never misses transfiguration." Kim said worriedly. Oh Kim, poor Kim. What would she say when she found out what I'd done?

"Come on," Alice picked me up by one arm, motioning for Kim to grab the other, "We're going to the Hospital Wing."

Fifteen minutes of ineffectual protesting, and one calming drought later I had stopped shaking, and was lying, ashen, in a hospital bed. I felt bad being there. I felt bad missing transfiguration. I felt weak, but every time I thought of going to that dance with Jake I just started to dry heave. The official prognosis was that I was just shaken up, nothing was medically wrong with me. And now that we were alone, I had to confess.

"You're going with _Jake_?" Alice exploded, "_Jake_?!"

Kim said nothing, just looked down at her hands, feeling my betrayal I was sure.

"Jake?!"

"I know, I know, just let me explain—"

"You'd better." Muttered Alice, glaring. "What happened to going gaga for Remus?"

"See, that's how it happened though…" And I was forced to recount the whole, sad story. "I didn't mean to though, honest!" I finished, a bit desperate. "You know I hate Jake! It was just, I was just…"

"I understand," Kim said soothingly. I breathed a bid sigh of relief.

"Really?"

"Well, no. But I forgive you anyway."

I smiled at her.

"You're the best."

"I don't understand," Alice cut in, "Two weeks ago you throw your drink in this guy's face. Now he wants to date. He's never looked twice at you before. No offense."

"Yeah well, it gets worse. I asked him the same thing, right? I mean, it didn't make sense. And he said…and he said that he never noticed how," I winced, "Hot I was until I was standing in front of him, looking all furious." And then, though I don't need to mention this aloud, he tucked and strand of hair behind me ear and jokingly made me promise I'd never throw a drink in his face again. I had said no guarantees, to which he had laughed cockily. I had felt that need to vomit that was creeping in on me ever since. Sort of because even though I knew he was a total, complete and utter ass, he was still sickeningly attractive. But I loathed him, of course. "What do I do?" I cried in anguish.

"Dump him."

"Hard."

"In public."

"Yeah," I agreed, "but I can't just show up dateless. I'm sure Remus will be going with someone."

"Girl," Said Kim, "We will find you a date. There is no way, absolutely no way, you have to degrade yourself by going with Jake."

Alice took it a step farther, "We'll find you someone better than Remus."

I scoffed. Not possible.

"Yeah," Kim agreed, "I mean, the guy is kind of…weird. I mean he's nice enough. He just has this vibe, it's kind of scary."

"I noticed that too!" Alice said, and I disagreed internally. Scary? Maybe, if you were scared of puppies. "We'll find you someone with a nice, normal vibe."

They were both smiling, separate schemes no doubt forming in their minds. I pulled the covers over my face.

-

I had to go to transfiguration the next day and get my make-up work, as well as explain why I wasn't there the previously. I went with the classic, 'I wasn't feeling well' instead of the real reason 'I fell into a horrified stupor after being rejected by possibly the hugest crush I've ever had and then accepting a date from another boy who makes me feel like vomiting.' Luckily, I was so pale and apparently disgusting looking that fake excuse worked just fine.

I sighed, walking out with a huge stack of paper in my arms. Make-up work and homework. Horrors. I started to space out as I walked down the hall, wondering how I was going to turn down Jake, who I had vigorously avoided since the 'incident' as I now remembered it. I wondered if I could even buck up the courage to ask someone else, my confidence being shattered. Even turning down Jake might take more than I had. My shoulders were slumping, and a gross cloud of depression seemed to be hanging over my head. My stomach growled, the unhappiness was only magnified by the fact that I hadn't gone down to breakfast this morning to avoid seeing, well, do I really have to say? Urrg. Then, some first year ran into me, being chased by a laughing friend whose wand was sparking, and my huge stack of papers fell to the floor. Oh, it so figured.

I knelt down and began to pick up my work, wishing again that I had brought my bag so I could just shove them in. I could use a spell to pick them up, sure, but kneeling on the cold stone floor to clean up this manageable mess just seemed more fitting. I was almost done when a cool, calloused finger brushed mine. My heart jumped before I even looked up to confirm my suspicions. It was Remus.

He handed me the rest of my papers.

"Thanks." I smiled. There were butterflies in my stomach sure, but I suddenly felt more confident. The worst that could happen had happened. Now I just needed to get over it. The fact that I now knew he was inaccessible somehow made talking with him so much easier.

We fell into stride as we walked back towards the Gryfindor common room. I no longer found the silence that awkward, just silent. I broke it none-the-less.

"So, no weirdness about what happened, right?"

"No weirdness," Remus assured me. "In fact, I was thinking we could head down to lunch together?"

"That sounds good." It sounded more than good, seeing as I was starving.

So, I dropped off my work, and we did indeed head down to lunch together.

"So," Remus started eventually, "You're going to the Masquerade with Jake?"

"Looks like." I tried to smile, but I think it ended up more like a teeth-baring grimace. He didn't seem to notice.

"That's cool."

"Mmhmm." It was not. I had to ask what came out of my mouth next, I couldn't help myself, "How about you? Asked anyone?"

"Oh I," He swallowed, looking uncomfortable, "don't actually know if I'm going."

"No?"

"No."

I shrugged, letting it drop and focusing on my delicious food. I wanted to know why, but I wasn't going to push it. Mmm. Magically delicious and low in calories. My favorite kind of food.

"Met you're vampire yet?" He asked me.

"No!" I laughed, frustrated, "Just silk worms! We have to take care of them for a month!"

"That's rough."

"You have no idea." I said, as straight faced as possible.

He laughed then, and it was a wonderful, musical sound. I smiled and bit my lip to keep it from spreading too far. I wouldn't let myself go there. Not again.


	7. Chapter 7

It was one of those rare days in Care of Magical Creatures when we were confined to a classroom. I couldn't be more excited, I was sitting in the front row and practically bouncing in my seat while the more level headed students had chosen seats near the back. It was the day I had been waiting for. The day we got to meet the vampire.

Professor Banks, a stout, frizzy haired, sweet woman walked up to the front of the class. Goodness, even she looked nervous. I was starting to wonder if my own reaction was slightly demented. Vampires weren't (supposed to be) feared. The Ministry had classified them as "beings" and they aren't generally regarded as a threat to the wizarding community.

I had done my reading, see. I had also read though, about the countless intolerants that were giving the rest of us wizards a bad name. The try to get laws passed against the vampires, some demented self-righteous people even hunt them. Official treatment is laid out in "Guidelines for the treatment of Non-Wizard Part Humans." The book was ancient and did not really represent us wizards well.

Professor Banks began her lesson.

"As you know class, I have been promising for some time for you to meet a vampire in class. I'm, er, happy to announce that day will be today. I will make sure your silkworms are okay."

"Oh thank goodness." Someone quipped from the back, "I mean, we're meeting a vampire, but I was totally worrying about the _silkworms_."

"As you know if you've done the reading I assigned," The Professor continued as if she hadn't heard, "It has been determined that vampires do not pose a threat to the wizarding community. They need human blood to survive, and wizard blood is an especially powerful lure, but there are creative ways the vampire community has come up with so no one is harmed. Can anyone name one?"

There was silence, I put my hand up.

"Blood drives in the muggle and wizarding worlds?" I offered tentatively.

"Very good, anyone else?"

A Ravenclaw behind me put up his hand.

"Yes Derek?"

"Sometimes they develop relationships with consenting persons, otherwise known as bleeders, who donate personally."

"Yes, yes."

"Sometimes they just attack people," Mumbled a Slytherin from the back row.

Again, Professor Banks acted as if she hadn't heard, choosing to up her own volume rather than confronting the student.

"The vampire we're meeting today lives on a unique commune in Transylvania. She lives with a group of vampires, humans and wizards who all rely on each other. Everyone helps harvest food for the humans and wizards—all homegrown, the humans and wizards donate blood to the vampires, and the wizards study both."

Hmm, a she vampire. I had kind of assumed it would be a he. I don't quite know why.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce Sheia, the vampire." From Professor Banks' office there came an incredibly graceful, incredibly pale woman, probably in her early twenties. The wisecrackers said nothing; she was beautiful, like a Veela. She had long blonde hair which spilled over her shoulders in a straight, gleaming river. Her eyes were dark, and her cheeks sunken, and I could help but to think she looked hungry.

The woman began to speak.

"Hello, as your Professor said, I am Sheia. I am a vampire, and have been alive for one hundred and twelve years. I completed the blood exchange and my transformation in Paris, with my sire Leuis. We have been together ever since he changed me. We began the compound on which we now live, in tune with humans, nature, and our way of life."

I knew about the blood exchange. It was how you became a vampire. They drank some of your blood, you drank some of theirs, thus binding you forever. It was like an infection, and it stopped your heart, effectively killing you, until you awoke two days later. Your veins coursing with vampire blood, your cravings switched from chocolate, to human blood.

I also knew about vampire looks. This, vampires, was one subject that truly interested me, and I knew a lot about it. When something was interesting, it just stuck. If not, then, well, it didn't. Vampires were often beautiful, not because of some magical effect of vampire blood, but for a much more obvious reason. Vampires are often changed by someone who will be their life mate; they will be forever bonded in blood. If you're looking for a mate, and you can offer them eternal life, you often go for someone incredibly physically attractive. You have to get through decades without the passion dying, after all. Vampires also change sometimes to create, they cannot have children, and sometimes they wish they could.

"Does anyone have any questions for Sheia?" Banks asked. Most of us were dumbstruck, partially because she sounded a bit like a muggle hippy. I looked at her again. Her clothes, a long simple dress, looked homemade.

"Have you ever killed anyone?" Someone asked finally.

"Yes," Sheia turned her sad eyes around the room, "I was not always enlightened about our way of life. There was a period of time were I left Leuis. I was out of control. He found me, and saved me from myself."

"How does blood taste?" Someone else squeaked.

"It's tastes," She sighed, "unimaginable. A little different from person to person. Mostly rich, slightly salting, as addicting as alcohol."

I wanted to ask what she thought of the ministry's policies towards vampires, but… Oh what the heck. I put up my hand and asked.

"I think that they are somewhat unfair. I feel that people are uneducated about us, and intolerance is built on a lack of understanding. I also feel that there should be some effort to organize the vampires, to educate us about ourselves. We are so scattered that many different philosophies have taken root. I am worried where some of them may lead."

A very wise answer. I suppose that one had to accumulate at least some wisdom after living for one hundred and twelve years.

The questions continued for a few minutes, more personal than educational, but Sheia didn't seem to mind. Finally, Professor Banks cut in.

"Now class, before we run out of time, I have been asked to bring something up." I looked at the clock, there was a good twenty minutes left. Professor Banks fidgeted. "Sheia is used to taking blood, er, feeding, er…" She cleared her throat, "From a live human donor. Since she has so kindly agreed to come visit Hogwarts, it would be nice if we could have a few volunteers to, that is, to tide her over until she returns to her home."

I raised an eyebrow. I had never read anything about how vampire bites felt to humans.

"She will only take a pint of blood from any one donor. Not a large sum. Just make sure to keep hydrated and well fed after you have donated. I would not ask you unless I was sure you would be safe."

"How does it feel?" I blurted, "To, um, be bitten."

"Well," Sheia smiled, "We vampires are no wizards, but we have a little magic of our own. We can make it feel…however we like."

I shrugged, I knew even if she had said it was going to be more painful that childbirth that I just had to try it.

"Bite me." I said, grinning. She grinned back, looking a little relieved that she would be fed.

"As you wish."

"Oh, now, now Jen, why don't you just come up here, sit in my chair, there. Now everyone can see you." I almost laughed. Gee thanks, Professor Banks, I feel so much more comfortable now.

Sheia brushed my hair back from my neck and leaned over me,

"You're sure?" She asked, "I will not take your gift of blood if you do not want to give it."

"I'm sure."

I flinched a bit as her fangs extended, piercing my neck and finding my vein. Ouch! Magic my ass. But then the blood started to flow, and everything felt better. I rolled my head back, my body feeling vaguely like I was floating.

I giggled, the whole situation now seemed seriously funny. I was being bitten by a vampire. Haha ha ha… This continued for a few minutes and then, abruptly, it was over.

Sheia touched my neck twice, sealing my wounds. She said she could erase the marks completely, but I asked for scars. She smiled, and left them there.

-

"Jen, you are insane," Jeremy said, fingering my scars. I was sitting with him and Alice on the lawn, supposedly studying, and I was feeling pretty darn awesome.

"I know." I said proudly, "How many other people can say they've been bitten by a vampire?"

"Derek and Harem," Alice put in, bursting my bubble just a teeny bit. I thought of the curious Ravenclawn and stuttering Hufflepuff who had volunteered to go after me. Thus providing Sheia with three pints of blood, a sum, she assured us, was perfectly adequate.

"Yeah I guess. But it did it first."

"An insane ten year old." Jeremy laughed. The right corner of my mouth twitched up.

"I guess that might be accurate."

I turned my head at the sound of movement, and Kim ran up to us, flushed with excitement.

"You're going to love this Jen," She pronounced, gasping, "Lily Evans is a total and complete genius."

_-_

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys! You'll see more of Remus soon!_


	8. Chapter 8

I walked past Lily as I sat down to breakfast.

"Hey," I stopped her, "Awesome idea for the Masquerade! I love it!"

"Thanks," She smiled self consciously and we parted ways. It was all I could do to keep myself from jumping on her and hugging her and worshiping the ground she walked on. The girl really was a genius.

"Ah." I sat down with my usual group, a big smile plastered across my face, "I love that girl."

"Me too," Said Kim, "Despite the fact that she is annoyingly perfect."

My face hurt from smiling so much. Lily Evans had, inadvertently, gotten me totally off the hook. And it all started with the best, the very best, idea for a masquerade ever. Who said no costumes? Everyone would be in costume.

I guess I should explain. There was this spell, right, and well, it was like a transfiguration thing. We only had a week to learn it, but Lily assured us it was a simple thing. We could mess with our faces, our bodies, anything we wanted. We would look like completely different people. Jake would never recognize me. There was also the matter of the dance being divided up, first through third years having a separate dance (which ended at twelve) and the fourth through seventh years getting one which officially ended at one, but we didn't have a curfew. I was thrilled.

It only got better when Jake asked me how I was going to change myself and even had the nerve to make a few suggestions. I smiled sweetly, and told him that it was a surprise, and he would have to find me. I knew him, he would lose interest and spend the night snogging another girl. Not like I minded. I hoped he ended up with the Snape. I was actually in one of those day time fantasies. I could just picture Severus, who had been glaring at me since that day in the library where I had sat next to his books (puh-lease, even I wasn't that protective of my muggle fiction), transforming himself into this stunning girl in a pink dress. He walked into the dance, all eyes turned to him, and Jake swept him up into his arms, shoving his tongue down unsuspecting Severus's throat. Of course that could never happen, the prefects would oversee the transformations, I'm sure they would never let…

Oh goodness, when I snapped back to reality I was me with two very serious problems. First, my own demented mind, which I mentally upbraided for that disturbing scene, and secondly, Alice's frighteningly serious face.

"Are you even listening?" She asked me,

"Uh, I—"

"It's okay, I'll repeat it. Perfect dress. P-e-r-f-e-c-t dress. Actually, there are three of them."

I snatched at the witch magazine she was holding, so did Jeremy.

"Hey!" She upbraided him, snatching the magazine away, "No peeking!"

Jeremy was forbidden to see her dress, but she promised she wouldn't make him pick her out while in disguise.

"Come on girls." Alice grabbed me and Kim and tougher we walked, happily, to our common room.

"Oh," Kim cooed, when Alice finally flipped her magazine back open. "They are perfect."

I climbed over Kim to catch a glimpse.

"Pretty," I cooed.

"I was thinking," Alice said, "this green one for Kim, the red for me, and the blue one for Jen. They all compliment our skin tone perfectly, but," she smiled ruthlessly, "Seeing as it's a masquerade, I think we should switch."

"Brilliant," Breathed Kim.

---

The dresses arrived the next day. Five strong owls had set it gracefully on the breakfast table. They were stunning. The red was now mine. We were practicing the spell.

Kim giggled uncontrollably as her nose got longer and longer. She had decided on a date too, by the way. Surprisingly, a boy who was not on her list. It was Derek from Ravenclaw, fellow vampire inductee.

I always wanted skin like Alice, but I was unfortunately discovering it did not go with my facial structure. At all. I sighed, and opted for a light tan instead. Slightly more pointed features, bigger eyes. On a whim I went blonde. I kept my eye color the same, though.

Alice was going to opposite way and lightening her skin, just a bit, until it was a light caramel. She spun her hair into tight ringlets and turned her eyes green, to match her dress.

"Oh you guys are no fun." Kim said, shrinking her nose. She looked at her blue dress. She made her hair a deep red, her blue eyes more vibrant, and she removed all freckles from her skin.

We all looked, well, like models.

I sighed, saddened for some reason.

"Eat your heart out boys."


End file.
